I remember you. I try not to – but I do.
And each time you break through this wall, I crumble,
Denying these feelings are really true.
I don’t mean to be ungrateful or to come across distasteful because I’m not
But every time I see you – I feel this chasm, tie, tightly, into what feels like a knot.
I can’t help but watch you, stare at you from across a room
Wishing you’d stare at me too, and I wonder if what I’m feeling
This nauseous, giddy feeling – isn’t true.
Isn’t because of you.
Maybe it’s the ice cream I had or the people I’m around.
Maybe it’s the noise in the background or the way I seem to drown
Every time you come around, smile and talk with me.
You smile, and I can’t help smiling. You laugh, and I can’t help laughing.
And when my phone goes off I can’t help but wish
You were the one asking, ‘are you free today?’
You seem distracted, not by me but by everyone else
So now I wonder – if the attraction in my head was real
If the feeling I feel is mutual still.
Because I’m scared.
I’m scared that the feelings I thought you had, are now dead.
And I feel like I’m treading on eggshells
Pretending you don’t exist, because I don’t want to shoot my shot
Knowing I’ll miss.
And for this, I wish you could tell me
That you feel the same way
But you won’t. Because every time you stand close to me
And we have a moment.
I feel this feeling.
But as soon as I hold my breath – I wake up.
And then I realise